Pick Up All the Broken Pieces
by Bastetmoon
Summary: A.U. Cato lives and Peeta dies. Katniss is left broken by Peeta's death. It doesn't help that the capitol keeps pushing Cato at her. But sometimes we find hope in unexpected places, and sometimes it takes two to truly heal.
1. Victors

**So I absolutely love Cato and Katniss together. I know other people have written stories about what would have happened if Cato won instead of Peeta, but I promise mine will be different. It might be a little similaere at first(first few chapters) but don't worry! I hope everyone likes it. Please, Please, Please review!**

**PS: Rated M for lemons in **_**later**_** chapters. (butthere's more to the story than that)  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the hunger games (as usual)**

_Peeta is trapped! Cato's strong arm is around his neck, strangling his. His face is slowly turning blue. I only have one arrow! I aim it at Cato's face._

_ "Shoot me, and he dies too."Cato growls. It's true, if I shoot Cato, Peeta will most certainly die. All around us the mutts are pacing, growling, and leaping .Peeta is dying the wound on his leg is killing him just as surely as Cato's death hold. Then Peeta raises only bloody finger and draws an x on Cato's hand. I aim my final arrow and let it fly. It pierces Cato's hand in the dead center of the x. To my horror Cato manages to retain his grip on Peeta._

_ "Please!" I beg to him, "Please let him go!" Then I see the knife in his hand, and I know. I feel that I am watching the next bit in slow motion. Cato's knife descends towards Peeta's neck. Then Peeta crumples to the ground, lifeless. The cannon fires. I fling myself forward. "Peeta! Peeta!" I shake him. "Wake up! Please wake up!" But I know it's too late. I look up at Cato, still standing in the same place, hands covered in Peeta's blood. "Kill me." I whisper. He shakes his head ever so slightly._

_ Then Claudius Templesmith's voice, "Ladies and Gentlemen I am pleased to present the victors of the 74__th__ Hunger Games Kantniss Everdeen and Cato Evans." Then the world goes dark._

"Wake up Sweetheart!" Haymitch's voice awakens me.

"Peeta? Peeta!" I cry out. I feel Haymitch shaking me.

"Come on get up." I open my eyes to find I'm back in the training center. Haymitch is there, leaning over my bed.

"Peeta?" I croak.

Haymitch looks sympathetic. "No time for that now, Sweetheart. Come on up you get. I'd better go tell Cinna that you're awake." He gets up and exits through the door. Besides I don't need him to tell me what I already know. Peeta is dead. Slowly I get up and walk to the bathroom. After a steaming shower I feel slightly more alive. But there's no real point in being alive now, is there? I throw on some clothes from the closet. Then I pause, I'm going to have to go out there, and act like a happy little victor. When in reality I'm broken. Then there's Cato. I hate him. He killed Peeta. I remember my shock at the announcement that we had both been named victor. _I must have passed out. _I realize. I briefly wonder how long I've been out, but then brush it aside. What does it matter? If it were up to me I would be dead, but it obviously isn't. I kind of hope that Cato had died while being fixed up after the games, but I highly doubt it. The capitol would never allow that to happen. If they wanted both of us alive, then alive we would be.

I slowly make my way down the hall to the living room. Haymitch, Effie, and Cinna are all waiting for me. Effie rushes forward and embraces me.

"Oh you did so well!" she beams.

Cinna gives me a small smile, "Well done Katniss." But I know that he can tell how broken I am.

"Yes, yes, good job, Sweetheart." Haymitch says gruffly. There's a large table of food set out for us. Haymitch only lets me take a small portion because, as he says, "You're so malnourished that your stomach probably can't handle more than a little bit, and we don't want it all coming back up on stage." During the meal Effie chatters continuously about what a good job I did and how all the capitol citizens are just dying to meet me. Everyone else remains quiet, letting her talk herself into silence. Then Effie and Haymitch leave to go see about the arrangements for the Victor's Night. I am left alone with Cinna. We don't speak but I think he understands how I'm feeling right now. Then my prep team barges through the door.

"Oh, Katniss! You were amazing!" Octavia squeals, rushing to hug me. They all congratulate me on my success then Cinna departs to look after my dress for the ceremony, leaving me at the mercy of my prep team.

They don't waste any time in getting me ready. They fill the bathtub and lather me down with a lotion that smells strongly of orange. When I'm clean they do my nails. During the games they saw a lot of wear, but now they're back to perfect ovals. Each one is painted gold with a little white flame on it. Then they brush out my hair, putting it, not in its usual style but in thick glossy curls down my back. They don't do much makeup on me, just enough to make it look as though the arena never happened, and I jumped out of bed looking flawless. Throughout it all they keep a continuous stream of conversation, all of it about the games. It's really disgusting to hear them talk about it like it's a sporting event of something. The memory of it is too fresh for me to be able to treat it as such. I try to tune most of it out, but I can't, not when they start talking about Peeta.

"Oh, so tragic!" Flavius says, "I just couldn't believe it!"

"I cried for hours." Says Octavia.

"And then Cato refusing to kill Katniss!" Venia says with disbelief. All this makes me want to curl into a little ball and cry, but I don't. I can't afford to look weak now. After what seems like hours they leave, I pick up my robe of the floor and put it on. Cinna comes back in with a dress bag.

"I'm so sorry if they upset you Katniss." He says quietly. "They don't really understand what you've been through." He gives me a questioning look. "How are you Katniss?"

"I'm- I'm okay." I say tentatively, when the opposite is really true.

"I know this has been hard for you." Then he smiles, "I have something for you that might chear you up a bit." He pulls something small out of his pocket; my mocking jay pin. I hadn't even thought about it till now.

I smile, "Thank you."

"And I designed this dress specifically to match it. Shut your eyes." I obey. And I feel the gown fall around me. It's not heavy like my interview dress. It feels like I am floating in a cloud of silk. I feel Cinna pin the Mocking jay to the front of my dress. "Alright open your eyes." Despite myself I gasped. I was dressed in a floor length gown made entirely of a floaty gold material. It was synched and drawn tight around my torso, but then fell around my legs in a cloud of gold. I looked beautiful. My pin looked perfect against all the light gold fabric. I reached down and ran my fingers along the waistline of the dress only to pause as my fingers felt padding.

"Sorry," Says Cinna apologetically, "But everyone agreed that this was better than surgically altering you." I couldn't help but agree more. The padding added to my boy the curves that the games had stolen.

"Thank you." I smile.

"Now we have to get going."

"Isn't it a bit early?" I ask.

"Yes, but Haymitch wanted to talk with you beforehand." We walk to the elevator, were my prep team is waiting. On the way down they all complement Cinna to no end on my dress. When the doors slide open, Haymitch and Effie are waiting for us. We are in a poorly light area that I guess is under the stage. A brand new metal plate is set up to lift me to the stage. Immediately Haymitch grabs my arm and pulls me away from the others.

"Alright Sweetheart, there's no getting around it, you're in trouble."

I stare back, "How so?"

"President Snow is furious that you let Peeta die, the-"

"I didn't let him die! Cato killed him!" I cry furiously.

"Even so, the whole romance thing was playing really well in the Capitol. And what's the hunger games to them but entertainment? Anyways President Snow needs these games to have been a success, and the rating plummeted when Peeta died. The citizens want a romance, and if it's a romance they want, then it's a romance they'll get." A horrible suspicion was beginning to dawn on me. "So now you're going to have to-"

"I am not pretending to love that- that fiend!"

"Well your gonna have to Sweetheart, or Snow will wipe out your family."

"Fine." I snap. I won't let the capitol get to my family no matter what. I'll _pretend _to like Cato, but _only_ if it keeps my family safe.

"Now you don't have to leap into his arms the moment you see him, that'll just confuse the audience. Most of them still believe you were madly in love with Peeta. Just show the crowd that you trust him,"

"Which I don't"

"and," He continues unperturbed, "If you're gonna cry, make sure it's on his shoulder.

"Fine."

"Good now, get ready to meet your adoring fans." He shepherds me back to the others and onto the plate. "Good luck Sweetheart." I set on and it starts to lift me towards the stage. I'm shaking; I'm going to have to pretend to love the _monster_ that killed Peeta.

The anthem blares and the lights momentarily blind me. The crowd erupts into wild applause; stomping and shouting.

The he is there, across the stage. He looks so different than the ruthless bloody boy on top of the cornucopia. His hair has been combed, and he now looks to be in the bloom of health. To my horror he is dressed in a black suit with gold accents. _We match!_ I want to scream, but the safety of my family is depending on how I present myself tonight. Instead I make my carful way over to where he is standing. I lace my fingers through his and hold our interlace hands up where the audience can see. I'm not really sure what I mean to simplify by this. Unity? Trust? Never the less the crowd goes wild. Cato, if my family wasn't in danger I would kill you here and now. I think. He gently leads me over to the victors chair. Normally it is one ornate chair for the victor to watch the recap of the games from. But this year since there are two of us, the gamemakers have provided a plush red loveseat. My heart sinks, but I allow myself to be seated next to him. Caesar Flickerman makes a few more jokes, and then the show begins. Three hours, that's how long I have to relive the horror of the arena. It starts with the reaping, the chariot rides, training scores, and finally the interviews. Then it is into the arena. I watch in horror as Cato kills kid after kid in the blood bath. I look at him, but he doesn't even seem to notice. He's watching the screen intently, not even flinching when he drives a spear through the stomach of one of the younger tributes. I want to fling myself away from him. How can someone watch all the suffering they've caused and not even care.

Then we see me dropping the tracker jacker nest on the careers. Glimmer dying again, Peeta saving my life. I really don't want to watch any more. I don't want to see all my fellow tributes dye again, once was enough. Cato must sense my distress because he puts his strong arm around my shoulder. I really want to shove it off, but I don't. Some people sigh in the audience. When it comes to Rue's death I know I am going to cry. They let me sing my whole song, but cut out the part where I cover her in flowers. I'm trying really hard to fight back tears now, thankfully it cuts back to a shot of Cato and Clove hunting for us, and I manage to get a grip on myself. Then the announcement that we could win besides out district partner. I see myself nursing Peeta back to health. I hear some muffled sobs from the audience when I drug Peeta to go get the medicine. At the feast we get to rewatch Cloves brutal death. After his ambivalence towards the other tributes deaths I don't expect Cato to react much to her death. To my surprise though, I feel him tense beside me as Thresh delivers the fatal blow. Then he is there, calling her name, begging her to come back. I vaguely wonder if there was something between them. In a mean spiteful way I kind of hope there was, because then at least he understands how I feel right now.

I watch Cato hunt down and kill Thresh. Then Foxface eats the berries. Finnaly the mutations. This is the part I've been dreading. Peeta and I climb to the top of the cornucopia. Cato grabs Peeta, cutting off his air. I know what's coming and I can't bring myself to watch it any longer. I burry my head in Cato's shirt, very aware that _he_ is the reason Peeta isn't here with me right now. When I finally raise my head I see myself, crouched next to Peeta's lifeless body, begging Cato to kill me. But he doesn't. You can see in his face that he doesn't want to, and then he shakes his head. Then the anthem plays and the screen goes dark.

President Snow himself in mounting the stage followed by a little girl. On a cushion she holds an ornate crown. President Snow gives it a little twist and it splits in half. He places the first half on Cato's head the second on mine. The crowd explodes in wild cheers and Caesar bids them all good night. Cato looks down at me. I glare back. The whole of Panem may think otherwise, but I will never forgive him, and I want him to know that.

**How did everyone like that? I hope It was good. Please review and tell me!**


	2. The Eyes of a Killer

**Finnaly Chapter 2! Sorry it took so long but school has just been CRAZY! Anywho here is my next chapter. Also Cato acts rather uncatolike in this chapter but don't worry we'll get to see the Cato we all know and love in later chapters! Enjoy, and please, please review!**

"What the Hell!" I slam my fist down on the mahogany coffee table. For the last several hours I had been forced to walk arm in arm with _Cato_ and act like we were friends, as countless capitol citizens paraded past us. The worst part hadn't been Cato though, hadn't been the crazy costumed freaks offering congratulations. The worst part was the occasional references, the occasional comment about Peeta. Most people had seemed to skirt around the topic (for which I was incredibly grateful) but sometimes it slipped out. Whenever someone did mention his name it took all of my willpower not to lung at Cato and strangle him for what he did. But that wouldn't do in front of all of Panem, now would it? Instead I did my best to act happy and chat with the multitudes of strangers. But now, back in the safety of the training center I was free to act as I wished. "Why?" I turned to glare at Haymitch.

"I already explained it to you sweetheart." He says impatiently and raises a glass of brandy to his lips.

I want to scream and knock the glass out of his hands, instead I make my voice as calm as I possibly can. "Please explain it again."

He eyed me calmly. "I told you the President Snow is furious that Peeta died. Apparently the capitol citizens were really enjoying the whole star crossed lovers business."

I ball my hands into fists. "And how does Cato fit into all this?"

"Well after Cato killed Peeta on top of the cornucopia" I wince, "everyone expected that he would kill you too, but he didn't. I dare say the gamemakers would have sent the mutations back in to finish one of you off but President Snow stopped them."

"Why exactly?" Even though I already know.

"As I explained earlier the people want a romance, and if it's a romance they want, it's a romance they'll get. Snow just wants this Hunger Games to have been a success, if that means two victors then so be it."

"So what am I supposed to do?" I ask angrily, "Be _all_ over Cato?"

"Not exactly. No one will believe it if you two just suddenly 'fall in love'. Instead we are going with you two growing together in the aftermath of the games." He puts down his glass. "Now you should get some sleep, you're interview is tomorrow." That doesn't really leave any room for negotiations so I go to my room.

I change out of my gold dress, letting it fall to the ground. I'll pick it up tomorrow. Then I curl up in my bed in nothing but my underclothes. I try to relax and fall asleep, but to no avail. Visions of the games flash before my eyes. I can almost hear the canon. Then I think of Peeta, and immediately wish I hadn't. I remember him in the cave, begging me not to go get the medicine that would heal him. The tears that I've been holding back for so long begin to stream down my cheeks. "Peeta." I whisper his name. I sob into my pillow. Eventually I drift off into dreams full of the horrors of the arena.

_I am running. Trees and rocks covered in moss flash by. I know where I am, back in the arena. My heart thuds loudly in my chest. I keep running, not sure why or from what, but I'm certain that if I stop I die. Through the trees I glimpse something. A person. I see a flash of blonde hair illuminated by the sun. I know that hair._

"_Peeta!" I call out, but there is no response. "Peeta!" I'm certain he is there, waiting for me. "Peeta?" But then why doesn't he answer me. I stop. Suddenly I notice that I am in a meadow, the same meadow. Rue's meadow. All around me mocking jays begin to sing. It's Rue's melody. Simple and lovely. But something sound off, the notes a little too sharp, the pitches too high. Then one of the birds lets out a high pitched shriek, a warning call! "Peeta!" _

_Then I feel strong arms around me and a cool blade against my throat. I look up into Cato's cold blue eyes._

"Up! Up! UP!" Effies voice wakes me, "Today is going to be a big, big, big, day!" I open my eyes. Sunlight is flooding the room. Effie has disappeared. I'm shaking, goose bumps cover my skin. I can still recall my dream. Rue's song, Cato's face. I shiver. His eyes, the eyes of a predator, the last thing you see before you die. And Peeta… but I stop myself before I can complete the thought. I will need to be strong today, last night's tears must remain of the night.

I dress quickly, and then my prep team descends. I assure them that they did wonderfully and then I sink into silence. Cinna finally arrives and shoos them away. He dresses me in a gauzy white dress with pink shoes. We talk some, but not much, which is fine since I don't really feel up to it.

The interview is to take place right in the sitting room. I get a real shock when I see Cato sitting there, on the sofa, but then I remember that since we are both victors our interview will be together. Then I notice the room itself. A space has been cleared and a love seat has been positioned for the cameras. All around it are vases of pink and red flowers. I hate whoever thought of this. The flowers, roses mostly are the kind of flower reserved only for lovers. I know that these flowers were meant for me and Peeta, only now Peeta isn't here. Caesar Flickerman gives me a hug and a congratulations.

Then Cato and I sit stiffly next to each other on the loveseat. Haymitch shoots me a glance that says very clearly "You're supposed to pretend you trust him." I try to relax a little but I'm painfully aware of his hand next to mine, the same hand that killed Peeta. Then the cameras flick on and I try my best to look like the happy little victor that I'm supposed to be. Caesar Flickerman and Cato seem to have the whole interview down. I just try to speak as little as possible. Cato is wonderful though, always playing the right angle for the camera. I wonder if he knows how much trouble we are in or if it's just natural. I suppose they raise them to be victors in 2.

Finally after a long while Caesar asks me the dreaded question. "Now Katniss I know it might be painful for you, but we have to know how you're dealing with the tragic loss."

I try to look as composed as possible before answering. "Well-I-I truly don't know what to say. Imagine if you woke up one morning and you couldn't remember your own name," I paused "That's what life is like without Peeta. I'm sure you could imagine." I'm sure they can't.

"Hmmm." Caesar sighs sadly, "So very unfortunate. And what about Cato here, he was the one who actually dealt the final blow. I can imagine some animosity there."

Oh you bet. But Panem can't know that. Instead I say, "I can't blame Cato for this. It was that or die, and I probably would have done the same in his place." I can almost hear the sighs of the many viewers, and I feel Cato put his arm around me, as if to comfort me.

"It's simply tragic." Then Caesar turns his attention back to Cato, "And you Cato, you could have been sole victor. Instead you refused to kill Katniss. Do you mind telling us what was running throught your head at the moment?"

"I don't really know, it all happened so fast." Then Cato looks down at me and strangely I see none of the rage that I have come to associate him with in his eyes. "I just knew that if I killed Katniss I would never have been able to go on after the games." With that the cameras flick off, leaving all of Panem hanging.


	3. You're Mine

**Well I final posted another chapter. I'm so sorry it took so long. Between dance performances and exams I haven't had much time for writing. Thankfully summer is here and I can now write like crazy! Well here is a new chapter! I hope everyone likes it! Please review and tell me how it was! Constructive criticism is welcome.**

After the interview I go back to my room. I'm supposed to pack for the return train ride, but I find nothing to take but the mockingjay pin. Besides there will surely be more than enough clothes for me on the train. Then Effie and Haymitch assure me to a car with black tinted windows waiting on the street. I don't even get time to say goodbye to Cinna. I suppose I'll see him in a few months, but I still wish there was more time.

The drive through the city is uneventful. Lots of dressed up capitol freaks line the road, waving and cheering. It sickens me, they should cheering for Peeta too. Finally we get to the train station. As expected it's buzzing with reporters. A train, just like the one that brought us here, it might even be the same one, is waiting to depart.

Just as we are boarding the train I see something that makes my heart sink. Cato. He is boarding our train.

"Why is he here?" I hiss to Haymitch.

"Didn't you know? He's coming with us to 12. Snow's orders."

"What!" Cato _can't_ come to 12!

"Now behave yourself, I'll be in the bar car if you need me." With that Haymitch disappears into the trains depths. I shoot an evil look at Cato before I myself step onto the train.

I wind my way through the train until I reach my room. Just being there brings up painful memories of the only other train ride I've ever taken. Only then I was going in the opposite direction, and instead of being a triumphant victor, I was a tribute facing certain death.

I slump down on the bed, and lay there feeling, the soft comforter against my cheek. The engine purrs and the train shudders to life. I am going home. The only problem is I'm not going alone.

Dinner is unpleasant. Neither Effie nor Haymitch is there so it's only Cato, myself, and an avox girl who is serving us. I don't remember seeing avoxs on the train before but I suppose it makes sense that they would be. No one really expects us to be able to care for ourselves.

Neither of us talk, we just eat our food in silence. From the way his brows are furrowed and how stiffly he sits I can tell he's angry. He stabs the food on his plate, maybe he thinks killing the chicken will relieve the desire to punch someone.

Finally while the avox girl is serving us a thick orange soup he speaks. "You realize this is your fault." He says it calmly enough but I can hear the anger rippling below the surface. "If it wasn't for you I would be going back to district 2 a hero. Now, I'm part of the district 12 sob story. I would rather be dead! I would rather an avox!"The avox girl gives Cato a scornful look. A victor, one of those lucky few who gets a life of privilege and luxury saying they'd rather be an avox can't really rub her the right way.

He rounds on her. "What you got an issue with that?" I can tell Cato is very close to losing control now. She shakes her head but you can see that she doesn't really mean it. "Do you know who the hell I am!" Cato shouts and the avox girl backs against the wall dropping the soup. Her hands are shaking, the tureen of soup she had been holding is now spilled across the expensive carpet. She looks at me pleadingly. That's all it takes. Rage fills me. Cato! How can he think he can just go on and treat people like this? This is the first glimpse of the old Cato I've seen since the games ended.

"Stop!"

Cato rounds on me, "What? Got something to add fire girl?"

"Just stop!" I don't want him hurting anyone else. "Lay off her!"

"Why firegirl? So you can cry over her dead body like you did for Peeta?"

It's this that sends me over the edge. Cato has hurt me in every conceivable way! "I don't care who you are! You can't just waltz in after everything you did, and expect me to deal with it! Do you know what this has put me through?" I shouting now, unable to contain my rage, "A good show! That's all you care about isn't it! Whatever the capitol wants! You're their puppet!"

Cato towers over me. "Puppet? And you think your any different from me fire girl? Huh! Where was your resistance when the capitol expected us to act like a couple? Then you parade around like your- your more pure than me! If anything you're the puppet!"

"Shut up!" I scream, but Cato plows on.

"If you really loved Peeta, you wouldn't just act like you'd forgotten him the moment you were out of the games! You would've killed me in the arena! This is all your fault!"

With a flick of my wrist I send a plate flying at him. Smash! "I said shut up!" I lift another plate in my hand. "How dare you-" Smash! "-say that-" Smash! "love Peeta! I hate you!" I lift a fragment of broken plate and hurl it at Cato. It grazes his face, cutting his cheek.

Cato spews profanities. "Oh yeah fire girl," he hisses, "look around! You made this mess! You and stupid lover boy! Street rats from 12! And now that he's gone what are you gonna do?"

"You're sick Cato!" I aim a punch at him but he skillfully avoids the blow and catches my wrist. He grabs my other wrist. Now I'm trapped.

"Let me go!" I try to pull away but his grip is like iron.

"Forget it fire girl, I want you were I can see you."

"Cato! Let me go. Or I swear I'll-I'lll-"

"Do what fire girl? You never stood a chance. You always had someone there to protect you." He steps closer so we're almost touching, and I'm forced to look up at him. "Just remember fire girl," He smirks, "you're depending on me now. You're mine." A strange sort of fire burns in his icy blue eyes, it might be hatred or it could be desire I wasn't sure. The later certainly scared me more. One finger strokes my cheek causing me to flinch away. Then he turns and leaves me there standing in a circle of broken porcelain and over turned chairs tear running hot and fast down my cheeks. What scares me is that he's right: how am I any different from him? How am I any better?


	4. Unforgotten

**Hello to all my dear readers. I'm so sorry that it took so long to update this story, but temporarily lost my inspiration. However, you all gave it back to me with your wonderful reviews. So I want to thank: hutcherwife,** **iamastar, she with the hazel eyez, geekypenguin, shloh, enginette, LittleRedDevilKat, Esyla, the killer tigeress, scoco, Dra9onf7yz, FelicisEcho9988, Theswimmergirlonfire, ladii love, geranium08, catchingfire0621, Arriane Malum, CharlottalovesPeetaMelark, marulk, , and axemama for all of your wonderful reviews. Also my thanks to all of you who favorite my story! **

** Anyways here is the next chapter, sorry it isn't super long. Hopefully the next one will be longer! Reviews are appreciated.**

The next day is awkward. No one talks. Cato spends most of his time shut up in his room. He only comes out for breakfast. Effie tries to make conversation over the table, but no one is really in the mood. Haymitch is drunk. Cato simply eats his food in silence and then disappears back to his rooms. I have no desire to try and engage either of them in conversation, so I just let Effie go on about some ridiculous capitol trend involving blue feathers.

After breakfast I too return to my room, were I sit on the edge of my bed, too nervous to do much more than stare out the window. The excitement of returning to district 12 which has been building inside me ever since I got out of the arena is finally beginning to bubble over. I allow it to take over my mind, and briefly indulge in fantasies of hunting with Gale in the woods, and sitting with Prim in the evenings, watching the sunset over the seam. I think of my mother. When I left I was worried that I would die without ever making amends for how I'd treated her, now I could finally put it right. I'll get to see our old house again, even if we won't be living there, because the capitol will give us a new house in the victor's village. I revel in thoughts of district 12 for a few more minutes, before I think of something that has eluded me before, something horrible that I know I'll have to face: Peeta's family. How will I explain it to them, why Peeta is not coming back with me, why his murder is? These are things I have to deal with, but the effort of coming to terms with it might break me.

I hope that once I'm home, with my family I'll be able to forget the Hunger Games. I'll be able to forget the horror of the arena, the blood on my hands. But I know I won't, they have been burned into me. And besides, Snow has made sure I will never forget. Isn't that why Cato is here? To remind me, to make sure some part of me remains trapped in the games. To remind me that I cannot escape.

I am pondering this when the train begins to slow. I leap up all worries temporarily forgotten. I am going to see Prim, and my mother, and Gale, and everyone else I care about. The train has come to a complete stop by the time I reach the main compartment. Effie and Haymitch are waiting there for me. Cato is there too, looking grim. I know he is angry about having to come to district 12 instead of home to 2. But for the moment I ignore him, this is my moment. Finally the door slides open, as I step out onto the small train platform, a cheer escapes from the crowd. Most of district 12 has gathered to welcome me home. Then Cato steps out onto the platform, there is some polite applause but it's clear that the crowd is confused. _Why is he here?_ Many of them are probably wondering. Then I see her: Prim. She is being born through the crowd atop Gales shoulders. I beam, and Prim waves to me, a see my mother to trailing behind them, and even Madge grinning broadly.

The crowd parts before me as I rush to embrace Prim, who Gale has put down. Another cheer goes up. Then I hung Gale tightly.

"Thank you." I whisper. Then I see my mother standing unsurely behind Prim and Gale. I don't hug her, but I give her my most sincere smile, wanting her to know how happy I am to see her. Then I see Gale's face harden, and I look back to see that Cato has come up behind me. However, there is no time for introductions now. I have to go and say goodbye to Effie, who is once again boarding the train.

After the train has begun to move again, I rejoin my family. Haymitch has disappeared; probably back to his house where he can get drunk in peace. Cato is still standing moodily slightly apart from my family. Gale is eyeing him with a dislike and distain that worries me. I don't like Cato any more than he does, less in fact, but I know that, at least in front of the camera's, we all have to act as though we get along. I drag Cato over to my family, giving him my best evil glare.

" Mom, Prim, This is Cato."

"Cato, this is my mother, and little sister Prim."

Prim smiles, "Nice to meat you." Cato doesn't smile back. Then, my mom in the lead, we head towards the victors village. I've never been there before, although I've looked at it and imagined what it would be like to live there plenty of times. Now we are. My mom leads us through all the grand empty houses to one that looks slightly more lived in. Apparently as soon as I won, they were moved into this nice new house. Prim happily gives me a little tour. It's much nicer than I could ever have imagined. I even get my own bedroom. Cato is still following behind, and something about his presence annoys me. This should be my time with my family.

My mom shows him to the bedroom down the hall, and he slams the door in her face. She looks rather affronted. I wish he would go away, at least not be staying in our house. Supposedly another house will be prepared for him, but until it's ready he has to stay with us.

I go to the living room where I sit with Prim on the couch. She tells me about everything that happened while I was gone. Apparently Greasy Sae and a lot of others made a fund to sponsor me during the games. I am deeply in their debt. It's one thing for capitol citizens to sponsor a tribute, they are rolling in money, but here people need that money to survive. I am touched.

Also the capitol has put the story out that Gale and I are cousins. When a tribute makes it to the top eight they interview their friends and family. Gale is really one of my only friends, and as I was still playing the romance with Peeta, it wouldn't do for people in the capitol to think there was something between us.

"It seems like even some of the people here have bought the story!" Prim tells me cheerfully, "Even though they've know both of you forever."

"Everything seems to have changed now." I tell her.

"I'm just glad your back."

"So am I little duck." I smile at her, and she rests her head on my lap. Then my mother comes in.

"Katniss, someone is at the door for you." She doesn't say who but her lips are pursed so I know she's nervous. Instead I pick myself up off the couch and stride over to the door. On the other side I find myself face to face with what I've been dreading since we boarded the train to come home: the baker. I quietly shut the door behind me.

I look up into his broad face, and all the guilt, and sorrow of Peeta's death comes flooding back. "I'm so sorry." I whisper.

He just knods.

"It was my fault he died, I'm sorry."

Then he says something that catches me completely unawares. "Thank you."

I stare dumbstruck for a few seconds. "Why are you thanking me? This is all my fault!"

He shrugs and begins to walk away, then turns to look back at me. "Because of you, no one will ever forget him. Thank you."


	5. Cracking

**Haha! Here is another chapter for all of you! Please review it and tell me how it was . **

**My thanks to the following for your wonderful reviews: hutcherwife,** **iamastar, she with the hazel eyez, geekypenguin, shloh, enginette, LittleRedDevilKat, Esyla, the killer tigeress, scoco, Dra9onf7yz, FelicisEcho9988, Theswimmergirlonfire, ladii love, geranium08, catchingfire0621, Arriane Malum, CharlottalovesPeetaMelark, marulk, , axemama,** **Tally Jennifer Youngblood**,** xMusicGurlx**,** Chevybabe11, xxPaige23xx, angle4000, and MissingIdeas. Also my special thanks to Arriane Malum for your excellent advice.**

**Disclaimer: I do not(sadly) own the hunger game,(no matter how much I wish I did) Suzanne Collins does.**

Over the next few weeks life begins to fall into a routine. I wake up early each morning and head into the woods. I don't need to hunt, not anymore. But Gale's family does need the food now that Gale has gone to work in the mines. Also it's something to do in my spare time. However, I find that I am unable to spend more than an hour or two outside the fence. The rough wilderness reminds me too much of the arena. I find myself constantly checking behind me, covering my tracks. I expect to be set upon by mutations or other tributes, and then I remember that I'm safe.  
I don't often see Cato during the day. I don't know where he goes, but as long as he's not around I don't really care. He normally comes home in the evenings, not bothering to say a word to anyone he proceeds to shut himself in his room. He still won't talk to me, not that I can say that I've made any real effort. The only one who he will occasionally speak to is Prim.

One day I come home from hunting, and visiting the hob, to find him sitting on our couch telling Prim a story about how they train for the games in district 2. The sight is so shocking that I pause in the door way for a few seconds.

"Each year they eliminate kids, so by the time your 18 there are only a handful of us training." I hear him say, "Those are the ones that are supposed to volunteer, but a lot of the time other kids beat them to it. Most kids spend their whole lives training for the games. By the time I was nine I knew how to kill an opponent with my bare hands."

I'm furious. He is talking about killing like it's no easier than breathing, and what's worse he telling Prim about it. Prim, who can't see me shoot a squirrel without tearing up. He's sure to give her nightmares.

"Stop!" I stride into the room and position myself in front of Prim, almost as though I hope to shield her from Cato. "Stop!"

"Katniss it's okay." Prim looks slightly concerned, "We were just talking."

I ignore her though and turn to Cato. "What are you doing?! You're gonna scare her! I won't let you ruin someone else's life!"

Cato looks at me blankly, "Ease up Fire girl, we're just talking."

"You don't talk to her! Ever! Is that clear?"

"Fine." He says coldly, before leaving the room. I can hear him stop up the stairs, and slam the door of his room.

"Katniss! Are you okay?" Prim is looking at me with concern.

I collapse onto the couch, "I'm fine Prim, I just don't want you to get hurt."

She sits next to me. "You shouldn't be so worried, he wouldn't have hurt me."

"It's my job to protect you from people like him. He's a cold blooded killer Prim. He's incapable of feeling."

When she next speaks her voice is tinged with sadness, "I don't think so Katniss; at least not in the beginning." She looks at me with those big blue eyes. "He was telling me about some of the training they do. It's awful."

"That's no excuse." I say bitterly.

"It's not, and I'm not going to pretend that it is. But think about it, he was trained to kill his whole life. You can't expect any different from someone who's only known bloodshed and ruthlessness. He was raised with the mindset of a victor, and he will always going to be that way, but it's not entirely his fault." I allow Prim's words to sink in. It's strange how insightful she is. In any case, I still can't allow myself to believe that there could be some shred of good in Cato, it's just something I can't accept.

"I'm sorry Prim, but you're wrong. I don't want you to ever talk to him again. Alright?"

She looks at me sadly, "Alright Katniss. But remember he's on his own here, and I think he needs someone to talk to." She daintily gets to her feet. "I'm going to go milk Lady, do you want to come?"

I rise too. "No it's ok, I think I'll go for a walk."

Outside heavy clouds blot out the sun. It'll be raining soon. I set off in the direction of the medow. By the time I reach it I'm running. I slide under the fence just as the first droplets begin to fall. Once I'm in the woods I make for mine and Gales meeting place. He won't be there, but just sitting there comforts me.

The rain is falling heavily now. I'll be soaked in no time. That's fine by me though. I just wanted to escape for a little while, to clear my head. I think of everything that Prim said. Maybe Cato does need someone; maybe I've treated him unfairly. Then I remember Peeta lifeless form, crumpled against the golden cornucopia. Prim has to be wrong. Cato is a monster who deserves no compassion. Still Prim amazes me, we are so different; were she is trusting, always seeing the best in everyone; I am quick to judge and find it hard to forgive.

I look up at the rain drops dripping from the undersides of the leaves on an old tree. I wish Gale were here. He would know exactly what to say, how to cheer me up. But I don't know if involving him with my problem with Cato would be the best solution. I get the feeling that any discussion between the two of them would end with blows, and I don't fancy anyone's chances against Cato. Besides, I don't think Gale would really understand how I feel, especially about Peeta.

Despite the fact that it seems as though the baker has forgiven me, I blame myself more than ever for his death. I feel like there is a gaping hole inside me that I'll never quite be able to fill. We had pretended to be in love in the arena, and now after he's gone I really don't know how I feel. I'm too confused and exhausted to piece together the hundreds of little pieces that are my feelings. Maybe I really had loved him, maybe not; I'll never know now.

There is a small cemetery in district 12, filled with old cracked tombstones. This will be where Peeta's family had him buried, it's were all our tributes are. I know I should go and pay my respects, leave some flowers. However, I can never quite bring myself to visit. Maybe, it's cause I know that if I see his name carved into one of those gray slabs I'll be forced to admit that he's never coming back; to let him go. But I don't want to let him go.

I'm broken out of my reverie by the sound of heavy foot falls approaching. At first I think it must be Gale, but they're too loud to be Gale. Who then? Who would have followed me into the woods?

"Have you finally been extinguished girl on fire?" I whip around to see Cato smirking at me.

"What do you want?"

"You. Of course." He says cockily.

I draw the small hunting knife that I have with me. "I'm not playing your little games Cato! Why are you here?"

He grabs my wrist before I can react, twisting it, forcing me to drop the knife. "Admit it Katniss you were never any competition." The way he says my name sends a shiver up my spine.

"You're one to talk Cato, I almost killed you."

He twists my wrist further, causing me to give a small yelp of pain. "You were lucky. But really if I wanted I could crush you here or now." I eye the knife on the ground, if I could just reach it. He notices my train of thought. "Oh, don't worry. I won't…yet."

"What do you want from me Cato?" I glare furiously at him.

He smiles lazily, "The same thing I wanted in the arena: to break you." I expect him to hit me or something, but what he does next is so unexpected that it takes me a moment to register it. Cato comes close to me, pressing his lips against mine. I'd kissed Peeta plenty of times in the arena, but this was completely different. His lips seemed to burn against mine with an all consuming passion. There is nothing gentle about this kiss. It was ravenous, seeking to consume me entirely, turn me into an animal. It's only when he start to plant kisses all down my neck that I push him away.

He smiles smugly, "Look, your cracking already." Then turns on his heel and disappears back in the direction of the fence. I just stand there, feeling confused and dirty.


	6. Plaything

**Hello to all my lovely readers! I'm so sorry this chapter took a while. I just started high school and life has been crazy so finding time to write has been hard. In any case here is a new chapter. I hope everyone likes it. Make sure to review!**

By the time I reach home, I am not only soaked to the bone, but also shaking uncontrollably. When I enter the house Prim and my mother are in the kitchen cooking dinner. They both look up as I storm past. I practically run up the stairs to my room. I sit on my bed and put my face in my hands. After a few minutes I hear quiet footsteps. I look up and see Prim standing in the door way. She comes and sits next to me, wrapping one slender arm around me.

"Katniss are you ok?"

I can't bring myself to speak so I just shake my head.

"What's wrong? What happened?" She asks me this several times, but I just stare out the window.

I don't know what to think, how to feel. I'm left reeling. It feels like I have been shattered into hundreds of small pieces, all clambering for control, seeking to dictate my actions. Part of me is angry, not with Cato, but with myself for allowing this to happen. It tells me that this is my fault, that I deserve all the misery that comes my way. Then there is the part that calls out for Cato's blood. I want to hurt him for all he has hurt me, to avenge Peeta's death. I want to cut to his core with one clean slice. And yet another part of me weeps. I have betrayed everything that I am, but most of all I have betrayed Peeta's memory. But deep down there is another sliver of me, one that is neither hurt nor angry. It makes me feel warm, hopeful, that the moment shared between myself and the blonde boy from 2 could lead to something more. I quickly suppress the thought. Cato will destroy me.

When I finally manage to snap the binds of my mind and come back to reality its dark. Prim is gone. I don't know at what point she left. Someone, Prim or my mother, left a meal for me of bread and warm soup. I try to eat but the food sticks in my throat. Eventually I simply strip out of my still damp clothes and curl up under the heavy blankets.

That night I am beset by horrible nightmares. I watch as Rue, still covered in flowers walks toward me.

"Why didn't you save me? I thought we were allies!" She looks at me with those big accusing eyes. Then she changes until she is no longer Rue, but Prim. She screams for me, but I'm frozen, unable to come to her. Then she too changes. One by one I see them all, Rue, Prim, Gale, the boy from district 1, my arrow still lodged in his throat, Glimmer swollen and disfigured, and finally Peeta. He stands once more on top of the cornucopia. I call his name, just as he falls, just as a mutt rips out his throat.

I awake screaming. Hot tears run down my cheeks.

From that night onward I am beset by nightmares every time I close my eyes. Every night I am forced to relive the games.

When victors talk about their games, they never talk about this. It's the horrible price of victory. The survivors guilt that threatens to crush you, only its worse because not only did you survive when so many others didn't, you killed many of them with your bare hands. I know that it will haunt me for the rest of my life.

I become distant from everyone. Not even Prim can draw me out of my shell anymore. Instead I take refuge in the woods, or else simply lay in bed trapped in my own personal hell.

One night I awake from a particularly terrible dream of Glimmer in mutation form, to find myself in a cold sweat. IT takes me several moments to remember that I'm safe; I'm not in the games anymore.

I look around my room and suddenly feel claustrophobic. I fear if I remain here I'll start screaming again.

I crawl out from under the heavy covers. I cross my room with silent footfalls, the result of so many years of hunting. When I push the door open it creaks slightly and I pause. I don't want to wake Prim or my mother. I don't want to burden anyone else with my problems. I try the door again and this time it swings outward on quiet hinges. I pace down the hall. Halfway to the stairs I stop. A low moan emanates from a door that has been left ajar. It's Cato's room. I hesitate, my fingertips millimeters away from the cool wood of the door, wondering whether to push it open. No doubt I will be intruding on something incredibly private.

The door yields to my fingers. Cato is still asleep, his face illuminated by a ray of moonlight that falls gently through the open window. I can tell by the way the covers are crumple that he has been tossing violently. No doubt he is plagued by nightmares too.

I have never seen him so peaceful before. The hardness of his features seems to soften in sleep, leaving him vulnerable; a simple boy of 18. The beast from 2 looks a mere child. I had forgotten how young we really were; nothing more than pieces in the capitols games.

I turn to leave, as much as I hate Cato even I could not disturb him like this. Just as I draw near the door I hear it. It's so quiet that I think I may have imagined it, but I know it didn't.

"Katniss." It's the faintest whisper. I turn ready to confront him, but he has already dropped back into the terrors of the night.

The next day is one I've been dreading. At noon our prep teams and stylists are coming, then we'll be off on the victory tour.

My mother wakes me early with a cup of warm tea. I dress quickly then head into town. I make sure to bring food from the pantry. Whenever I go out I always make sure to bring food for those who need it.

It's bitterly cold out however, and I am forced to return home much sooner than I had planned. My mother greats me at the door. I can tell by the look in her eyes that something is wrong. Then I see the capitol attendant.

I practically go into overdrive as I try to figure out why they are here. My prep team isn't supposed to be here for a good hour or more.

"There's someone here to see you Katniss." My mother's voice is slightly hysterical. "Its-"

"Right this way Miss Everdeen." The capitol attendant ushers me down the hall to the door of the study. I hesitantly push it open and my nose is assaulted by the scent of blood and roses.

I look into the snakelike eyes of president snow.

Snow was very clear. I needed to perform well. In the capitol people were far too ready to accept us as the new star crossed lovers. However, in some of the districts unrest was growing. People saw Cato and I's refusal to kill one another as an act of defiance against the capitol. It was possible that this unrest could lead to a full on uprising.

Hence snows visit. Cato and I had become symbols of rebellion. We needed to convince everyone that Cato and I are in love, that at the moment when Cato and I faced each other on top of the cornucopia that he was so in love with me that he couldn't bear to kill me.

Of course a lot of the responsibility for the situation falls on Cato's shoulders. He was after all the one who had refused to kill me. However, I am more symbolic than he is: The Girl on Fire, a rallying point for resistance.

"What about Cato?" I asked at one point. "Shouldn't you be warning him?"

Snow licked his overlarge lips, "Cato was raised in district 2. He'll do as he's told."

I raised my chin defiantly, "And what if I don't cooperate?"

His snakelike eyes met mine. "You may not know, but you have many admirers in the capitol Miss Everdeen. Some of them would pay very highly to spend time with you…" He smiled evilly, "…intimately."

The choice is clear then, I love Cato, or I become the capitols next _plaything._


	7. Twisted

**Ok so most of you though I was probably never going to update this story again. I actually was about to abandon it but then I got a lot of reviews asking me to continue. So you all (my lovely reviewers) deserve a round of applause for saving this story. You all are very inspirational. So this is chapter 7, and Cato and Katniss are finally heading off on the Victory Tour! Hoopla!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the hunger games (if I did cato definitely would've lived)**

Chapter 7: Twisted

My prep team arrives early the next day. After they all get over the shock of my eyebrows, which I have let grow back into their natural shape, they get straight down to getting me camera ready. Thankfully, as its cold out I don't need to be completely stripped of hair, I'll get the full works on the train. I don't know where Cato is, probably being worked over by his own team. I haven't spoken to him since President Snow's visit. I still haven't decided what to tell him.

"Cato's from district 2," Snow had said, "He'll do as he's told."

For some reason that doesn't sound like Cato to me. He may be bloodthirsty and ruthless, but a puppet? He doesn't strike me as the type. Then again he _does_ come from district 2. _Capitol pets, the whole lot of them. _I frown and Octavia who's painting my lips gives me a questioning look. It's probably better that he doesn't know. He's a good enough actor, but if he knows how serious this is he'd probably mess up. But I do need to tell Haymitch, right away. The whole "Growing together" story might not be enough anymore.

When I am presentable I head downstairs to the living room. Cinna is there, along with my mother and Prim who are being interviewed. I embrace him. He looks the same as always, plain clothes with just a hint of gold eyeliner. I'm glad at least that he is here. It makes returning to the capitol bearable.

There are a few other capitol people that aren't camera crews. I assume they must be Cato's prep team and stylist. This is confirmed when he arrives a few moments later and they crowd around him. They've dressed him up, like me in warm winter clothes, but his shirt is the same light blue as his eyes. I shiver; it's the color of ice. His blonde hair has been spiked up. I can almost see him, all dressed up for his tribute interview before the games. He has the same cruel glint in his eyes then as he does now. He sees me looking at him and gives a slight smirk.

Rage colors my cheeks. I still haven't forgiven him for kissing me. Well actually I haven't forgiven him for a lot of things and I probably never will. As far as I'm concerned he really doesn't deserve to be forgiven. Even as I think it, however, a different image flashes through my mind. Cato, asleep, peaceful and innocent. I ignore it however, he killed Peeta he is _not_ innocent.

Then Effie trots in reminding us all that we're on a tight schedule. She seems to have shifted her color palette from pink to orange, and is now sporting a pumpkin wig.

"Attention everyone," She pipes, "We're about to shoot the first outdoor shot. Katniss, Cato!" She herds us together. "Big smiles everyone."

Cato glances sideways at me, "Ready for this fire girl?" I don't even have time to respond before we are shoved out the door.

Half a dozen cameras train gleefully on our faces. Knowing what I have to do I lace my hand through Cato's. It's all I can do not to jerk away when I remember that it's the same hands that killed so many fellow tributes. But Cato takes it a step further. As we step out into the snow, which has begun to fall in light fluffy flakes, he gently tilts my chin upwards so I am looking into his cold blue eyes. Then he kisses me, in front of all the cameras of Panem. Unlike in the woods he's gentle, just a light brush on the lips. But even the thought of that other kiss makes my cheeks flush and I silently hate myself for it. All around us the capitol film crews are going mad. Now we're sure to be all anyone's talking about in the capitol. _Good,_ I think, _let them talk. I just hope Snow hears too._

On the train, without all the cameras Cato and I sink back into the unfriendly silence that hovers over us whenever we're alone. Effie ran off to schedule all our appearances, and I don't know where Haymitch went. That just leaves us two.

Cato turns on the high tech television. They're still broadcasting the footage of us boarding the train. After were shown on the platform, still hand in hand a green haired reporter appears. He cheerfully announces that "There could be more of Cato Evans and Katniss Everdeen yet to come."

"Turn it off." It's the first time I've spoken in over an hour.

He turns, "Why 12? Does it bother you?" He never calls me Katniss anymore, always 12 or fire girl. Apparently we've moved on from familiarities.

What reason could I give? That this makes me feel sick to my stomach? Or that watching us together makes me think of Peeta. It should be Peeta, not Cato holding my hand on the train platform. "Just turn it off okay."

"Someone's touchy." He smirked as he flipped the TV off. I wanted to walk right up and punch him, but I know what he can do.

"You know what?" I say heatedly, "Forget it. I don't care what you do."

He raises an eyebrow, "Really? Cause that's not the impression I got out there in front of the camera's. Or was that all an act too? You know just like you and lover boy in the games."

I'm shaking with rage. "Go to hell Cato." I whisper then storm from the room. I'm so angry that I walk strait into Haymitch. Like always he smells of spirits and there's a half empty glass in his hand.

"And where are you off to sweetheart?" The train lurches as we pull into a refueling station, and some of the alcohol in the glass sloshes out onto the carpet.

I suddenly remember that I need to talk to Haymitch. My anger at Cato had driven Presidents Snow's threat from my mind. "I need to talk to you…alone."

He glances up at the ceiling, probably checking for cameras, "Let's take a walk."

Outside is cold and I pull my jacket tight around myself. Cinna's skill for design is truly miraculous; the jacket is thin and light weight while still preserving my body heat.

"So?" Haymitch turns to face me when we're a good deal away from the train. "What's so important that we needed to talk in private?"

As I talk his eyebrows furrow, and when I finish he lets out a long breath. "This is even worse than I thought. Katniss you and Cato are going to have to pour your souls into this act, because your lives are going to depend on it."

I think of how I lost my temper at Cato, "I think I've already made it worse."

"Worse?"

"I yelled at Cato earlier." He grabs me by the arm and steers me towards the train. "Where are we going?"

"You're going to go apologize." Once we're back on the train he turns to me, "You might be out of the Arena Katniss, but the games aren't over yet."

Cato is still in the living room compartment where Ieft him, staring blankly at the wall. He turns when I walk in. "Back so soon? I thought you were gonna be sulking for at least another hour."

I try my best ignore the venom in his voice. "I'm sorry I yelled at you earlier."

He smirks, "And who told you to say that? Haymitch?"

"No." I say even though it's a lie, "I really am sorry."

"In that case," he stands, "So am I." But his icy eyes tell a different story. "Maybe I'll look forward to the next time we meet alone in the woods." It's the first time he's mentioned it. I had hope we would just pretend it never happened. He grins seeing the expression on my face and it's the grin I hate the most. Not the words, not the kiss for those are both things I could have gotten over in time. No. I hate how sure he is of his victory. He believes he can knock me to the floor with one single blow. The sick part is that he enjoys it. He like watching me bleed, break apart, and come undone. And just what the capitol wants; the girl on fire and the bloody boy from 2. All of this is twisted. All of this is wrong.


	8. She was the Sun

**Here is another chapter as promised! Its finals week at my school so now I guess now all you guys know what I've been doing instead of studying. Oops! Anyways thanks so much for your amazing reviews.**

** Allisath- I chose to give this story an M rating for content in later chapters I have planned. I probably could have started with it rated T and then just changed the rating later but I didn't really think about it.**

**Dislcaimer: I do not (for the millionth time) own HG (no matter how much I wish I did)**

Chapter 8: She was the Sun

As the train starts to slow I rush to the window, eager to see what I've only ever seen during the reaping. District 11 is huge. It has to be to grow all the crops for the capitol. I'd known it was one of the larger districts but this is much bigger than I ever imagined. Fast fields and orchards as far as the eye can see are surrounded by a 30ft fence, topped in barbed wire and humming with electricity. There would be no sneaking out to hunt here, that's for sure.

As we move farther into the district I start to see small wooden shacks all grouped together in little communities. They make our squat little houses in the seam look like palaces. Then there are the people. Men and women, children even, with wide straw hats to shield themselves from the sun work the fields. A few look up as the train zooms past but most ignore it all together.

Eventually Effie comes to tell me to get dressed. I head back to my room where I let my prep team do my hair and makeup. I can see we're going for simplicity, minimal makeup and my classic braided hair. Cinna arrives and dresses me in a pretty orange dress patterned with autumn leaves. Then I go take my place next to Cato in the living compartment. I may not have forgiven him but even I know the importance of this moment. If we aren't convincing enough… I try not to consider the alternative.

I look out the window again and suddenly feel very nervous. In every district the victor is supposed to give a speech for the fallen tributes. Normally these are scripted for us by the capitol, however its traditional say a few extra words if a tribute was your ally. Since this was Rue's district Effie advised me to write down something to say to her family. I tried, but the words that sounded so right in my head never came out right on paper.

Cato too looks nervous, which is strange since he's normally so sure of himself. He's a victor. He shouldn't be afraid of anything right? Instead he stand fidgeting and staring at his hands. Hands that are stained with the blood of so many boys and girls. Its Thresh. This was his district too. Now Cato's going have to look straight into the eyes of his family and say what an honor it was to kill their son. For once I almost pity him. I know in other districts, namely 1 and 4 I'll be faced with the same shameful appearance. Tell the families of my rivals how I survived while their own children did not. District one will be the worst, as I killed both their tributes.

The train stops and we are escorted out by peacekeepers in crisp white uniforms. I reach for Cato's hands, as much for support, as too keep up the façade that is our romance. I'm glad in a cruel way that he's here with me. I'm glad I don't have to face the agony of this moment alone. Someone is here to help me bear the burden of guilt. I'm not ready for this, to speak to Rues family and apologize for letting her down, for letting her die.

The air here is warm, not nearly as cold as district 12 and the sun shines high above. We are assembled in front of the justice building; in a place Effie calls the Veranda. There's a good sized crowd in the square, but judging from all the people I saw working in the fields it must only be a fraction of the actual population.

Even from outside you can see how run down the square is. Dilapidated buildings line thew streets, choked with ivy and rot.

A podium has been set up in front of the justice building. That's were Cato and I will stand as we address the crowds. Camera men are perched on roofs. Someone clips a microphone to the front of my dress. I retake Cato's hand which I had dropped in all the commotion.

He looks down at me, "Ready to show the world how much you love me?" His voice is sarcastic. Is he joking? I've always just assumed he's nothing more than a brutal killer. I never thought of him being the kind of boy who jokes around.

"You wish." I whisper, and just because the cameras are watching us, stand up on my tippy toes and kiss him gently.

The mayor begins a speech in our honor but I hear very little of it. My eyes are still focused on the crowd. All those unfriendly eyes. Do they hate me too? True, Rue was my ally, but then it's me not her standing up on this stage. I failed her. I remember how she looked in that medow, flowers braided through her hair, small and defenseless, with that spear still lodged in her stomach.

Then Cato is dragging me forward to the podium. As he begins his scripted speech I can feel the tension in the air grow. The people of district 11 glare at him, and when he finishes there is only a smattering of polite applause.

It's my turn now. My palms are sweaty as I begin my scripted speech. But even as I complete the final words I know it's not enough. These people deserve more, Rue and Thresh deserve more.

I raise my head to gaze out over the crowd and the words seem to flow as naturally as water. All those things that I could never make sense of on paper flow out like water. "I want to thank the tributes of district 11. I want to thank them for their honor and for their bravery" I look at Thresh's family, "I did not know Thresh. However, I always admired his strength and determination. He saved my life and for that I am forever in his debt." Then I look to Rues family, all her siblings that stare at me with eyes filled with sorrow, "And Rue, she was my ally. But she was also so much more than that. She was the sun, the flowers, even the mocking jays singing in the trees. She was like my own sister. It was Rue that gave me hope each day in the arena. For that I thank you. You brought me hope."

There is real applause now. I look back at Rue's family. One of her sisters, she couldn't be more than nine, but she looks just like Rue in every way, study's me. She sees me looking at her and gives a small fleeting smile.

Back inside the justice building there's no time to dwell on anything. I'm dressed for dinner in a shimmery gown of light pink. My hair is no longer braided but falls down my back in little ringlets.

I meet up with Haymitch, Effie, and Cato outside the dining hall.

"Nice job sweetheart. "Haymitch tells me, "Just remember to be convincing tonight." Then we are swept through the doors into the cacophony that we will soon grow so accustomed to.

Cato and I _are_ convincing. Or at least I hope so. We are borderline delirious in our love for each other. Kissing, dancing, it all flows together in a saga of misery.

However, back on the train we are quiet. The gulf that separates us is a no man's land of bitter resentment that may never be breached. I brush a strand of curly hair out of my face, and its only then that I notice how intently Cato is staring at me.

"What?" I snap.

"I just don't know how you do it." There's a gleam in his eyes. Could it be anger? I've seen him angry before, but not like this. This is a quiet rage that eats away at you until it comes boiling out.

"Do what?"

"How you talk to people. You could make all of Panem bow at your feet if you really wanted."

"Talking to people?" I ask incredulously, "What good is that? You're the strong one. You're the _victor._"

"Strength? What's strength when the whole country is in love with you?" I realize that the gleam in his eyes isn't anger but fear, "You're the true victor Katniss. Everyone knows that! Why do you think I had to move to 12? I'm the spare, the extra! I might as well be dead! It'd be a whole hell of a lot easier!" He's yelling by the end, though not at me. "Do you know why I volunteered for the hunger games Katniss?" I shake my head but he isn't even paying attention. "I wanted to bring honor to my district, to my family. You should've seen, they were so proud! Finally a victory in the family. And what did they get? Second best! I couldn't even beat a girl from district 12!" He laughs and I wonder if he's gone insane. "Now who knows when I'll see them again? I'm the disgraced victory from 2!"

I remember how on top of the cornucopia I had begged him to kill me, and how he had refused. "You were never second best Cato. You beat me, you could have killed me."

"But I didn't." He says bitterly and I wonder if he wishes he had. I certainly do sometimes. I wouldn't have to live with the guilt hanging over me like a cloud.

"The capitol wouldn't have let you, they wanted us both alive. All they want is a good show and they'll do anything to get it."

He just shakes his head. "Get out." It's little more than a whisper.

I stand there uncertainly.

"I said get out!" He shouts and brings his fist down hard on the wooden coffee table. I practically run from the room. But as I make my way back to my room I slow down. There's more to the brutal boy form 2 than I thought.


	9. Nightmare

**Hey everyone! So this chapters a little short, sorry, but the next one should be longer! Thank you to all my reviewers you are wonderful. **

Chapter 9: Nightmare

The victory tour slips by; a saga of misery. Each day is the same, wake up, dress, ride through a district, give a speech, dinner, and then we start all over again. Each district is different, but the constant travel and the tension make them blur together; a fantasy of half wakeful reality. It's the people that are memorable. Sometimes our names are shouted over and over again, like savage battle cries against the might of the capitol. And yet other times the people stand silent and still while we speak. Perhaps they hate us, the injustice that Cato, killer of so many children, and The Girl on Fire, who turned her back on Peeta should be united as victors.

Of course no one can know how miserable I am. So I smile and wave and pretend like this is the time of my life. But when I'm alone, I just sit quietly, staring out the window or into empty space, until someone comes to tell me what to do next. All the faces of the dead tributes keep flashing in front of my eyes. I think about each night in the arena, each face projected into the sky, and each night the horrors of the arena come to haunt me once more. If anything they've gotten worse since we left district 12. Effie makes a big deal about this, saying I'm not eating enough, and that I can't show up in the capitol looking like a starved alley cat.

At least I'm not the most miserable person, though. As each district slips past Cato becomes tenser. We no longer speak except in public. Once on the train he locks himself in his room, not even coming out for meals. It's strange to see a boy who was fearless (to the point of absurdity) when faced with the prospect of death in the Hunger Games hiding himself away from the world. My room is not so far from his and at night I can hear him crying out as he too grapples with the hidden world of dreams.

As district 2 approaches I wonder how he feels about going home. Does he look forward to it? Dread it? I don't know anything about his family, before the games it didn't matter, and after I never thought to ask. I try to image parents who would push their son so hard, until he turned into a monster. I can't. The life that he so briefly mentioned seems so alien to mine in district 12. I wonder if he has siblings? A brother? Or a sister? I think about him being ripped apart from his sibling even as I was ripped away from Prim. It almost makes me feel bad for him and his family. But it's different, because he volunteered, not like I did for my sister but for his own glory and battle lust. I think about him gripping that sword he always used in the arena and shiver.

I look up and realize I'm sitting on the floor of one of the trains many hallways. I have no idea how I got here. Through the little glass window I see the dark sky. I must have wandered off earlier and wound up here. I stand and start to make my way towards were I know Effie and Haymitch will be having dinner, but then turn around. I don't feel like talking to people. Instead I head back to my room. I strip off my shoes and then fall fully clothed into bed and wait, staring up at the ceiling, for sleep to find me.

_ I run through the forest. Even by the shape of the trees and the smell of the air I know where I am. This is the arena. I hear wild howls behind me and keep running. But I can't run forever, I'm not fast enough. They catch me, surrounding me, pinning me in. The mutts whine and growl to each other. Occasionally one will lunge forward._

_ Then another mutt slightly larger than the others emerges from the shadows. Its fur is a wavy ash blonde, and its teeth are barred in a ferocious growl. I look into its eyes. Blue eyes. Peeta's burn with hate and resentment._

_ He lunges, and I see a gleam of white teeth before the world goes dark._

Peeta.

I wake up screaming for him. All I want is Peeta, with his steady heart beat and soft blue eyes. I want him to hold me like he did in the arena cave, were both our heart beat in unison. I want him to be here, to see him and know that my dream was just that. To tell me I'm safe. And then he's there, holding me, holding my hair and telling me everything will be okay. That it's just a nightmare, not real. I feel his strong arms around me and feel safe. But it's not Peeta, and it never will be, because he's gone. No. it's his killer who comforts me in the dark twilight. I can tell by the way he moves; even the steady sound of his breath is different.

But I let him hold me, because I'm too tired to fight anymore, and to face the darkness and the terror alone is unbearable.

This becomes our agreement. Each night he comes to my room and we guard each other from the dreams that seek to drive us crazy. All though all we do is sleep, guilt gnaws away at me. This feels like betrayal of Peeta's memory. The few times were Cato's hands go were they should not I slap them away and threaten to kick him out. I won't really, but he stops. Neither of us wants to be alone. It does help that I never have to see his face. He always shows up after I've already turned out the light, and he always leaves before I wake.

Our sleeping arrangement soon becomes an item of gossip among the capitol attendants on the train. Even my prep team asks me about it. I don't really care; in fact I'm almost grateful. Maybe other people will hear too. Then no one will doubt out "love".

One morning I wake up as the train passed through a districts fence. I know where we are. Cato is gone as always but the sheets are still warm so he must have only left recently. Last night he had tossed and turned and when he finally fell asleep he kept muttering to himself.

Today my prep team dresses me in a metallic gold dress. Cinna pins my mocking jay pin on the front.

I join Cato and the others just as the train lurches to a stop. He's shifting nervously from foot to foot, and his face is clouded with worry. But then he looks up and see's me and it all melts away. He looks like a victor again, powerful, cold, and bloodthirsty.

Effie hurries up to make sure we're ready, and Cinna hands me a warm fur coat.

"Alright everyone time to go! Only two districts left!" Effie chirps, happily consulting her schedule. I take Cato's hand just as the door opens and we step out into the chill air of district 2.


	10. The Consolation Prize

**Ok here's another chapter! Thanks again to all my reviewers! In this chapter Katniss finally gets to meet Cato's family! So read, and if you have anything to say leave a review! Thanks!**

Chapter 10: The Consolation Prize

District 2. Even the platform here is nicer than in district 12. There's no rot, no sense of despair choking the air. You can tell that most of the people here don't have to struggle like in the other districts. Kids grow up well fed and comfortable, trained to be killers. Here the biggest concern isn't starving to death, its learning to fight well enough to survive against 23 other opponents.

District 2 is stone masonry. As we ride along in one of the cars sent to collect us I peer out at the unfamiliar surroundings. What look like several small towns cluster around what I presume are the entrances to different mines. As we drive through what must be the main town I notice that most of the houses here are much larger and nicer than those at home. I crane my neck wanting to see more and an ugly brick building comes into view. It looks like an old warehouse, but you can tell by the new paint and lighted windows that it's not abandoned.

I turn to Cato, who is watching me critically, waiting to see my reaction to his home. "What is that?" I gesture out the window.

He raises an eyebrow, "That's the training center of course.

I let it sink in. That's were kids are trained in the arts of war. That's were monsters are created.

Cato must have seen the look on my face because he laughs, low and soft, so it sends shivers down my spine. "You must think we're so despicable? Don't you Katniss?" It's true, they are despicable. "You think we're the brutal vicious ones? We have no humanity?" His breath is hot on my face as he whispers in my ear, "Just remember that I'm not the only one who'll be standing up on that stage today."

I turn my head away so he can't see the shame that colors my cheeks. He's right; I can't act like I'm more innocent than him. I've played the capitols games right along with him. I've killed children too.

When we arrive at the justice building I'm surprised by the throngs of people that await us. Despite Cato's earlier fears that he was a failure, every man, woman, and child in district 2 has come to welcome their victor home. They press all around us cheering his name as we ascend the steps up to the stage.

The justice building here is a huge white pillared building. Unlike every other district we've visited it's well kept and clean, not falling into disrepair. In the other districts a temporary stage is build each year for the reaping, and later for the victory tour, but here a permanent stage has been added right on the justice building's front. They must need it, to welcome home all their many victors.

As we wait for the mayor to give his speech I look to the place usually set aside for the families of fallen tributes. Clove's family there. Her sobbing mother clings tightly to the hand of her father. I guess she had no siblings to mourn her loss. However, on the other side stands Cato's family. They smile, heads held high, gazing proudly at their son. I can tell just by looking at them that Cato takes after his mother. He has her blonde hair and blue eyes, were as the only thing he inherited from his father was his height. There are also two children. One is a boy with the same dark hair as his father, no older than ten who stands beaming up at the stage. But the other is a girl, fifteen maybe, standing sullenly while the rest of her family rejoices. Her hair is even lighter than Cato's, appearing almost white in the sun, but her eyes are the same cold blue. They rove across the stage. I wonder what she's looking for until they meet mine. She gazes at me with the same determination that I have seen so often in Cato. Then she turns away a vicious little smile twisting her pink lips.

"Katniss." Cato hisses in my ear and I realize the mayor has ended his speech and now it's our turn. I try to fix a smile on my face as I begin my prepared speech. Cato concludes it, adding in his own words to Clove's family. When it's done the crowd breaks out in a cheer that might have been heard in all 12 other districts. But it's not my name they echo, only Cato's. They are indifferent to me, I do not exist. As far as the people of district 2 are concerned Cato is the only victor.

I glance at him as he bathes in the adoration of the crowd. He looks the part so much more that I. Brutal, powerful, handsome even, he is the perfect victor.

When we are finally allowed to go inside I try to drop Cato's hand imediately. I expect we'll go get ready for dinner like we have in every other district, so I'm surprised when he refuses to relinquish my fingers.

"You can go play your wardrobe later Katniss, but right now there's something I have to do."

I try to protest but he just pulls me down a side hall and into a little room. There's nothing in there except a few dusty couches. Then it hits me. This must be were tributes go to say their final goodbyes. I wonder how many long broken promises of "I can win" were made here.

Cato points at one of the couches "Just sit there and don't say anything."

I've barely sunk onto one of the plush couches when the door bangs open to reveal Cato's family. His mother rushes forward to embrace him imediately and his father claps him on the back. Even his little brother congratulates him. The only one who hangs back is the girl who I saw earlier. She doesn't even look at Cato, just walks strait past him and sits down on the couch across from me. She looks at me skeptically, with a knowing glint in her eye.

No one else has even noticed me yet. Cato is talking with his father, and his little brother keeps blurting out random stuff about the games.

"It was so awesome when you killed the boy from 11! IT was the best fight I'd seen in the games since forever!"

"Now Jason," His mother looks sternly at the younger boy, "Remember what I said about bringing up the games. I'm sure Cato doesn't want to talk about-"

"Of course he does!" Cato's father cuts her off, "there's no point in winning if you can't brag about it."

His mother just sighs and sits down next to the daughter who is not glowering at her hands. I notice how similar they look, like reflections in the mirror.

"Invidia." She hisses, "Go talk to your brother! He has brought a great honor upon you. You are the sister of a Victor, act like it!" Her eyes soften as she says the word victor.

The girl, Invidia turns to look at her, "Of course _mother_, how could I forget that now my _dearest_ brother has made a fool of himself in the arena I have to cater to his every wish." Her every word drips with sarcasm, and I recoil. What child would treat their mother this way? I may have shunned my own, but it is nothing to how she behaves. But his mother doesn't even react, as though she's used to such treatment from her daughter.

Then she turns and sees me for the first time, "Oh!" her eyes grow momentarily wide and then she smiles and extends her hand for me to shake, "I'm Livia, Cato's mother."

"I'm Katniss."

Behind her Invidia snorts, "The whore from 12 herself."

Livia turns, "That is enough young lady!" Invidia just rolls her eyes. "I'm so sorry for that. My daughter has a… will of her own." I smile but deep down I'm wondering what she meant by the "whore from 12".

Despite my dislike for the people of the career districts I actually Cato's mother. We make small talk for a while until she politely excuses herself and goes to stand by her husband.

Invidia takes the opportunity to lean in a whisper, "I bet you think your all high and mighty now? But don't worry when I become a victor I won't be weak like my brother. I'll exterminate you rats from the other districts. I don't need a consolation prize."

"What?"

She smiles, "Oh you know, a consolation prize, for everything Cato's been through in the arena. That's what you are, isn't it? Everyone knows he's the real victor and you're just a pet for him to play with when he feels like it." I narrow my eyes, is that how people here see it? Am I just another toy for Cato to play with? "But don't worry when I win the games, everyone will forget about you, and my brother. I'll be the favorite then." Her blue eyes glitter wickedly.

The way she acts, it's similar to the behaviors of children I've known. The kids that come from big families were they're over shadowed constantly by their sibling's wants and needs. Invidia has been eclipsed by Cato, and now she has everything to prove.

After they leave the rest of the night passes in a blur of dancing, kissing, and otherwise pretending to be madly in love. It's only later that night, when I lay in the darkness listen to Cato's steady heartbeat that I wonder, is that really what I am? Am I a consolation prize?


	11. A Phoenix Reborn

**Ok so I finished a new chapter! I hope you guys all like it! Thanks again to all my reviewers. **

Chapter 11: A Phoenix Reborn

` The appearance in district 1 is its own special kind of torture. I killed both tributes from there, Glimmer, and boy who's name I learned was Marvel. Cato has nothing to fear from district 1, they were his allies, and they were careers. That at least they have in common. But when I stand in front of that silent crowd I can feel their eyes cut me like knives.

By the time we reach the capitol I'm exhausted. The drain put on me by the victory tour is as much emotional as it is physical. Still we have to appear to countless crowds, playing up the romance as much as we can. At first the people of the capitol seem a little surprised by us. Despite the recaps from the districts no one really expected to see the warrior from 2 walking hand in hand with the girl on fire. But they quickly get over it, their shock turning to jubilation. They have a new set of star crossed lover to root for.

That night we stay in the training center. The building seems so empty and quiet. The air presses down on me, heavy with the memories of the twenty two other tributes that once stayed here.

I know Cato dislikes the quiet emptiness too. Not that he will admit it. He's too busy playing the part of the bloodthirsty victor. But when they offer him his old room on the district 2 floor he refuses. I wonder if staying down there makes him think of Clove. Instead he takes Peeta's old room. When I find out I'm so angry I actually throw a few things before Haymitch points out that it's not really Peeta's room. Many other tributes have stayed there before. Still to me it feels like he it trespassing on something secret, something sacred. But when the darkness and the nightmares take hold I'm glad he's there. I hate relying on him like this, like a drug to lull me into a state of oblivion. Because he's a murder, and unlike me he did it willingly, and because in the end we are still, and always will be enemies.

On the second evening we have our interviews. Haymitch tries to give me a few pointers but there's really nothing to say. To my surprise he also spends a few hours talking to Cato. I don't know what their plan is, but whatever it is they're not telling me.

At noon I'm handed over to my prep team. My hair is braided like usual but Flavius has twined in golden threads that glint in the light. Shimmery flames are traced across my skin in such a way that they are only visible when I move. Then Cinna enters with a dress bag and my prep team is dismissed. He asks me to close my eyes.

"Are we doing this again?" I ask remembering his similar instructions before my tribute interview. But I close my eyes and allow him to slip the garment over my head. It's cool and slippery like water woven into fabric. I open my eyes and marvel at the girl who stares back at me in the mirror. I am not human. I am a goddess, or an alien. Unlike last time, were my dress was made of flickering jewels, this gown looks to be made of liquid gold. When I move it ripples and sways so I looks like I'm emerging from a golden pool. As I move forward my skin flickers. I am a phoenix, reborn in flames.

"I thought I was supposed to look innocent?" I ask Cinna quietly.

"You were. But Haymitch and I agreed you need more than innocence tonight. You need to be stunning." It's true. I am not innocent, not even sexy. But I am radiant, stunning, beautiful.

But something in the seriousness of his voice catches me off guard. "For tonight? Why tonight?"

Cinna smiles sadly, "I was told not to tell you."

"By who?!"

"Haymitch. He knew you'd ask. But don't worry you'll know soon enough."

I want to protest, to make him tell me, but it's time to go. Instead we make our way to the glass elevator, down to the ground floor, to the waiting area below the stage. Cato is there in a dark suit accented in gold, so we match. Even I can't deny how handsome he looks. But to me it is an ugly kind of handsome. I know the real monster that hides behind the pretty face.

Together we step onto the plate that will lift us up onto the stage. Our hands link us together. We are one victor now.

The glaring lights momentarily blind me. A roar of noise hits my ears. AS my eyes adjust I look out over a crowd of multi-colored capitol people, all cheering and shouting. Caesar Flickerman comes forward and greets us. He hasn't yet changed his hair color so it's still powder blue. Cato and I sit on the love seat prepared on the stage. As we are guided effortlessly through the beginning of the interview I feel the many eyes of the crowd trained unrestrainedly on us. After what seems like hours of pleasantries, _How are we fairing? What's it like to be back in the capitol? _Caesar asks the question everyone's been dying to know.

"Now Katniss," He leans forward and gives me a meaningful look, "This whole experience must all be very confusing for you. I mean first, in the games, Peeta finally managed to win over your heart. I don't think there was a single one of us who wasn't rooting for the star crossed lovers of district 12" A hush has fallen over the crowd. I try to keep smiling but my heart feels like a heavy stone. "And then only to lose him. But then you were crowned with Cato, and now we can see something more between the two of you." You could drop a pin, the silence from the audience is so intense, "How do you feel about all this Katniss? Has Cato really managed to capture your heart?"

I try to remain calm, but this is the moment of truth. Either I perform well or we all go down. "I don't really know what to say. At first I was heartbroken. I didn't think I could live without Peeta. But Cato was always there for me. He helped me cope with the grief. And after a while I realized that he was really the one I couldn't live without." There's an audible sigh from the crowd.

"And you Cato?"

He puts an arm around me, "It's like Katniss said. In the arena she was my enemy, but even then I think I knew that I could never really kill her. And then after, no one really knows what it's like to return home after the games, especially when you're not really going home. But Katniss was always there, she healed me in every way a person can be healed. I never want to spend another day without her." Cato stands, and then drops to one knee. I freeze. This is impossible. This is _not_ happening. There's an evil glint in his eye, as if he knows how the words he's about to deliver will haunt me forever. "Katniss Everdeen will you marry me."

And just like that I know it's all over. My life, I can see it flash before my eyes, an endless parade of parties and celebrations, all for Cato and I. I will never be free of him, the capitol has made sure of that. I want to run, to scream, but I remember we're on national television and so I say the only acceptable reply. "Yes." A little whisper but it's magnified around the room so everyone can hear. I allow Cato to slip a simple diamond ring onto my finger. I don't even know where he got a ring.

He pulls me up and we intertwine around one another, our lips meeting to applause from the crowd. When we finally break apart we raise our joined hand over our heads, and I know this is how the Capitol will remember us forever; young, beautiful, and full of triumph. But inside I am screaming.


End file.
